SANTA Claus, a citizen of Scandinavia, applied for a temporary partner visa to the North Pole after marrying Mrs Claus, a citizen of the North Pole and a local gift-wrapping virtuosa.
Between them, they had five elfchildren under twelve.
The youngest had just learned to waddle in curled shoes; the eldest could turn any mention of festive chores into a full-blown performance worthy of the Christmas theatre company.
In the days leading up to Christmas, Santa worked as a mall Santa and volunteered delivering parcels for children’s charities.
He wore a fleecy velvet suit appropriate for Arctic blizzards and he was widely recognised as a devoted father and firm believer that fruitcake was an entire food group.
While his permanent residency application was pending, disaster struck and Santa was arrested for involvement in an illegal underground reindeer-racing league and an unauthorised toy-distribution network featuring shape-shifting stuffed animals.
The Department of Polar Affairs refused his visa on character grounds and ordered his return to Scandinavia, landing him on the Naughty List.
Santa applied for review, arguing deportation would cause hardship to Mrs Claus and their five elfchildren. Statements of support poured in, describing the elfchildren as merry but anxious and Dr. Peppermint warned of emotional harm.
Mrs Claus insisted Santa was essential to family wellbeing and bringing Christmas cheer.
The North Pole Tribunal accepted that the family’s future would be bleak without him, but his conviction weighed heavily and removal was upheld. Santa appealed to the High North Court, claiming the Tribunal overlooked the elfchildren’s best interests under the Arctic Treaty on Elf-Child Welfare.
The Court agreed that the Treaty entitled the elfchildren’s interests to be properly considered.
On reconsideration, the Tribunal balanced Santa’s offences against the harm his removal would cause.
Santa was allowed to remain, subject to completing community service at children’s Christmas workshops and attending a “Responsible Toy Distribution” rehabilitation program.
The family stayed together, Mrs Claus continued arranging holiday festivities, the elfchildren attended the Arctic School of Christmas Arts and Santa resumed his path toward permanent residency, wiser, law-abiding and undefeated champion of the annual sleigh races.
Thank you to Ellysha Laklem for her assistance with this column.
This fictional column is not legal advice.
By Manny WOOD, Solicitor
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